The One Year Commitment That Changed Everything

Two years ago today, I was at my absolute lowest. I was spiraling in a deep depression, consumed by the heaviness of some very intense life challenges. Most days it felt as though I was watching myself from above, clinging to hope but drowning in the swirling thoughts and memories within my own mind.

I had lost the desire to do even the most basic of self-care needs. Eating was impossible. Showering was too much effort. Sleeping was my biggest fear.

Distracting myself from the constant, looping noise in my head was my only goal. I am fortunate to say I did have an amazing support system surrounding me during this. Friends who may not have known where this intense spiral was originating from but stepped in to lead me back to myself. But I wasn’t super thrilled on allowing others into my space during this time of mind-f*ckery, so I did what we all tend to do nowadays when we want to escape reality.

I doom scrolled the socials.

Yeah, I know. Not the best decision when your brain is already in self-destruct mode, but we do the best we can in times like that and well…. that was mine.

During one of these Instagram stories watching scrolls, I saw a reel on the Institute for Integrative Nutrition School (IIN) account. It was a clip of a podcast interview, and a man was talking about his own past struggles, and he had some sh*t to say. Do I actually remember what specifically? No. But it sparked my curiosity enough to check out his personal IG account. I followed him. Scrolled. I remember thinking….hmmm….he speaks to me in a way I connect with. Which at that place and time in my life was rare.

So, I follow this totally random man I saw once on an IG story, because, why not? Then, I see I have a message from him. He said, “I see you’re also in the health coaching space. Is that correct?” We exchange a few messages back and forth and then I’m completely convinced he’s either not real or some scammer (depression worst case brain remember). I disengage.

Two weeks later, I see a reel in my feed. It’s from this man. Zack Bodenweber, aka the podcast guy. I skim it quickly and think he’s offering a new coaching program. I don’t need a coaching program since I myself am also a coach. So, I scroll past. And thus began the Universe intervening in a very not so nonchalant way.

For the next four days, every time I logged in to my IG account this flipping reel was the first thing in my feed. I logged out. I’d furiously swipe up trying to refresh my feed. I toggled between my business account and personal account. All to no avail, and much to my annoyance.

Finally, during a very strange moment of what I can only explain as the Universe slapping me beside the head, something inside me became crystal clear and it was as if I understood the assignment. I was MEANT to see this reel. So, I surrendered and watched this very persist reel.

And then I cried for a solid hot minute or thirty and felt an odd sense of relief for the first time in months.

Zack was not at all offering a “coaching program”. He was offering a once in a lifetime opportunity for a yearlong one-on-one mentorship to health coaches looking to build their coaching business. HEY! I was a health coach, and I was trying to build my own business!

I sat in stunned silence, wiping the tears still streaming down my cheeks, staring at this possible opportunity. I took screenshots and sent it to my bestie who promptly responded with “do it”. When I attempted the “but” in protest, it was again met with “DO. IT.” And so….I did not do it. Nope, instead I thought of all the reasons I would never be worthy of such a thing. That happened to others, certainly not me. I filed it away and moved on.

Only, I kept thinking about it. And I found myself wondering about the possibility of what if I WAS worthy? What if all the lies my mind had been telling me about myself were simply not true? And in the midst of this pondering, days later, my friend sent me a text asking if I had applied yet.

At 2:54am, two years ago, while running away from the nightmares that invaded my head when attempting to sleep, I wandered downstairs, opened up the application….and began writing.

I opened my heart up in ways I had only ever shared with myself, deciding that I had been led to this place by a higher power that had some unwavering belief in me that I didn’t yet have in myself, and it was my story that I needed to share. I wrote and wrote. Essay after essay. For hours. Temporarily freeing myself from the burdens of my demons. I can’t explain why I felt so safe sharing such personal stories, I just know it felt like what I was meant to do at that moment.

The next day I received an email from Zack. It said he was deeply moved by my responses and he’d like to meet with me for the next steps in the process. Again, cue the increasingly annoying crying. I wrote back as requested with my upcoming availability and we scheduled a zoom meet for a few days later.

The morning of our scheduled meeting arrived, and I woke before the sun, excited, nervous and…hopeful. I went to the library, securing a private room and got set up. I was so anxious, I texted my friend and asked if we could do a quick “practice” zoom to work my nerves out. Then it was meeting time.

I was immediately met with an incredible smile and eyes filled with sheer curiosity on the other side of the screen. His voice was confident and inviting and within minutes, my fears dissolved into a feeling I had never experienced. After our meeting, I packed up my things and went to the car. I sat there for what felt like an eternity, with this smile on my face that wouldn’t go away.

I remember this feeling sweeping over me. I didn’t feel nervous about getting or not getting the mentorship. I just felt…. content. I felt proud of myself for taking a step that just a year or even six months earlier I would not have had the confidence to take. I felt an internal shift that day. I had such a rush of sereneness, it felt almost surreal.

I was one of the last candidates to have my interview with Zack. It was mid-December 2023 by this time. He said he planned to let everyone know of his final decision before the new year. Those two weeks simultaneously flew by with the rush and excitement of the holidays yet dragged with anticipation.

On New Year’s Eve, I easily checked my email in excess of 500 times hoping for his message. Finally, it appeared in my inbox. And I was suddenly frozen with nerves. I opened his message while holding my breath. I read each line carefully….and THEN….

“I’d like to inform you that you have officially been chosen for The Odyssey.”

I have no idea what made Zack choose me. I don’t believe I ever thought to ask him that question during our time together. I like to think he saw beyond the brokenness inside me and instead saw the dreamer in me. The spark. The fiery demon-slaying passion inside my soul.

He helped me not just as a mentor on a business-driven mission. Our time together was often plagued with many unforeseen challenges. My own personal life exploded in numerous ways. I struggled with my confidence and frequently felt like I was failing and letting him down. So many times, I went to sleep wondering if he felt he’d chosen the wrong girl for his vision.

Zack, if you’re reading this right now, here’s where I go full-on Michelle. You are one of the only humans in my life that understands me on a next-level level. You have this insane ability to unravel these crazy, chaotic, unfiltered, rambling thoughts of mine and not only see them how I do but also make them make sense.

I like to think we gave each other something that will stay with us for a lifetime. You saw beyond the flaws, trauma and damaged version of me and helped me see this beautiful soul that’s perfectly intertwined with hope, a dreamer’s spirit and a willingness to take the leap of faith with no safety net.

You reminded me people like us have a certain magic inside us. It’s written in our DNA to create these amazing worlds seen by many as fantasy. The sky is the limit in our hearts. No is seen as an “oh, is that a challenge?”

I’m not sure I would categorize our journey as successful in the way you must have envisioned it when you created The Odyssey. For this, I still struggle with feelings of having let you down, but 2024, the year of The Odyssey was certainly a year of defining my future in a different way.

While I may not have fully succeeded in the business sense, I succeeded in other ways that I can never fully express my gratitude for you often being the pillar that held me strong when I really wanted to crumble. You never allowed me to give up, even despite how annoyed I was with you about “strongly suggesting” I build my own damn website and not take the easy way out. At the time I was honestly cursing you out at 2am when I was working on building it, but I’m sure we both remember the day I FINALLY announced I had done it and how proud I was of that stupid thing. You taught me I’m capable of things even when I have no knowledge, experience or even business attempting them. This one small thing truly did set the foundation for a newfound confidence.

You extracted a version of me I had never met before. You saw the “fantasy world” vision with me and rather that telling me it was too big or unattainable, you helped bring it closer to reality without minimizing the dream. You saw my thirst for freedom, my hunger for independence and my fight to not just survive but thrive. You helped guide this chaotic, soulful, heart-led, passionate, fiery self onto a path I had always been too afraid to claim.

You know more about my personal life than many, because you were a safe space to share it. My lack of success on our journey was not from laziness. It was not lack of motivation, enthusiasm or desire. I know I don’t need to tell you that. You understood I was not just trying to create my vision with your guidance, but I was also navigating the end of a thirty-year chapter. The only life I had known as an adult.

There was so much more to our story than simply building a business. The Odyssey may have been a vision for just that, but what it ultimately gave me was actually exponentially more valuable. You planted the seed. And every day since, I have watered it a little more, so it continues to grow.

One of the biggest dreams we were striving for landed on October 1, 2025. That dreamy little lakeside cottage in nowhere Maine? The one that meant freedom…. it’s now reality and it’s even sweeter than I ever could have imagined. Hitting this milestone helped me see so clearly that I have never been unworthy, I am more capable than I knew, and my story has a voice that deserves to be shared. My journey belongs to me. My path is forged solely by me. Because ultimately, I am the creator of my life, guided by other magical souls like you. I don’t have to run from the nightmares any longer. I can sleep dreaming of endless possibilities, knowing absolutely anything is possible and my wildest dreams CAN come true.

All because a random podcast guy showed up in my feed one day and refused to go away. And I took a chance on him. Just as he took a chance on me.

Never stop giving this gift to others. It means more than you will ever understand.

Cheers, Zack! To two years of mentorship, friendship, dream-life building, and vision-seeking. You will forever remain my greatest secret weapon and one of my favorite humans. I feel so honored that I got to walk beside you, learn from you and be guided by you. Mostly, thank you for seeing me when I felt invisible.

xo- M